On The Silly Side by Jimmy Del Ponte

(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.)

I was working on my article about Union Square but then I remembered that Halloween is Sunday. (I hope all you Union Square folks can wait until next week.) After all, this is a big holiday and I can’t let it go.

Candy corn! I love candy corn. It has to be Brach’s! I buy a big bag and put some in zip lock bags to take to work.

I love Kit Kats. I buy the big bag and put them in the fridge. Actually, I hide them in the fridge. Don’t get me wrong, I share, but I have to make sure Daddio gets his fill.

Somerville Ave. was turned in Pumpkinville Ave., and that was very cool. For some reason, I haven’t put up my outside decorations yet. I may not. It isn’t because I am not in the Halloween spirit, but because I am too lazy to dig all the stuff out of the cellar .

I took my kids to Spooky World in New Hampshire. Forty-five minutes from Boston?! Right! My GPS took us through cornfields trying to find this place.

We were there opening night and the lines were crazy. I went into one haunted house. That was enough for me. I don’t need to spend 15 bucks to get scared. All I have to do is log on and look at the balance of my checking account. That scares the hell out of me every time.

I just got back from taking my boys to Salem. Salem is a favorite destination of ours. We have been there at least 40 times over the last few years. My boys love the occult, and magic, and gore and all that stuff. I am just the driver.

We have actually made personal friends with the owners of The Magic Parlor in Salem. We pop in every once in a while to stock up on fake blood, plastic rats, and large nails that appear to go through the head.

Want a good scare? Powder House Rotary, 8 am. Want to know what treats are lousy? Granola bars, apples, and any other healthy stuff. Want to know what kids want? Candy. Chocolate. Carmel. Nougat. Nuts. Tootsie Rolls!

An apple being dropped in a goody bag can destroy a Milky Way. And folks, if you are giving “fun size” bars, drop about three or four of those bad boys in there.

Parents, don’t make your poor kid wear a coat over or under a costume.

And listen all you crazy drivers; can you please be careful for at least just one night? The nuts are supposed to be in the candy not on the road. There will be tons of kids out there . Wait until later to have a few pops. (Have a tootsie pop instead). If you’re going to drive, please, please, be careful. If you want to be a crazy driver, be prepared to meet a bunch of crazy parents!

I still may put up my jolly roger flag and my inflatable spider out. I may even dig out my pirate wig, eye patch, three cornered hat and sword for when I give out the candy.

Ben Cooper. Remember that name? He made those cool costumes we wore as kids. A smelly plastic flimsy mask with an elastic that always snapped and hurt your face, and the costume that tied in the back like a hospital Johnny.

Now, there are Halloween specialty stores that pop up just for the season. It’s a huge business. There used to be one aisle at Woolworths and Grants.

Lots of things scare me nowadays. Water bills, report cards, watching the Patriots, new aches and pains, and getting older. This Halloween, I wish someone could drop into my goody bag, a great big hunk of good luck for all my loved ones. I would love to knock on someone’s door and have them give me the treat of knowing that none of my friends will have to suffer through any health issues.

I would consider it a great Halloween if I could dump out my sack and see smiles on the faces of everyone who has been tricked by any kind of sorrow at all.

Have a safe and happy Halloween, and if you see someone driving like they have had one too many cups of “cider”, do the right thing and “rat” them out!