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Here at the Lyrical we can write about anything, even the death of a sandwich. James Lewis is a junior at Endicott College in Beverly, Massachusetts. He is studying nursing and is on the football team.

James Lewis

Sandwich Eulogy

In remembrance, Mr. Sandwich

On September 10, 2018, Mr. Sandwich was brutally murdered in broad daylight in the Callahan Dining Center. Sodexo dining staff recovered the remains of his body being sent down the conveyor belt. Only his crust was able to be salvaged. Witnesses at the scene report he was first doused in oil and then had his body fried in a panini maker. He was then extracted from the machine, with severe burn marks lining his body. Video footage from public safety showed a human being at about 5’11’” with brown hair and blue eyes tearing his body to shreds with his vicious bites. His meaty body was finished beside a bowl of potato chips. The suspect is still at large. Mr. Sandwich was only twenty-four. He enjoyed spending his days thinking about what it would be like to be brought to a picnic. He is lived on by his wife, Mrs. Simple Serving Chicken, and their two kids, Omelet and Chicken Patty. Services will be held at the salad bar today at 3:00 in the afternoon. In lieu of flowers, condiments can be sent to 12 Deli Lane.

— James Lewis