(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville Times belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville Times, its staff or publishers)

Life in the Ville by Jimmy Del Ponte

The day I heard my father’s words coming out of my mouth was the day I knew I had officially become a parent.

It’s amazing how many of my parents’ old phrases became part of my vocabulary. I asked some of my friends to share their parents’ favorite proverbs, warnings and words of wisdom, and I’ve stuffed them all into this article. I hope you enjoy them.

I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it! You are cruisin’ for a bruisin’. I’ll wipe that smile right off your face, mister! Kids are to be seen and not heard! Don’t make me stop this car! If bull were music he would be Guy Lombardo. Don’t let them get your goat. If you had half a brain you’d be dangerous. I’ll put you through that wall. If you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything. Take a picture, it lasts longer. Don’t tell your father. Wipe that pout off your face or I’ll give you something to pout about. End of story. End of ballgame! Wait ’til your father gets home. You have to wake up a little bit earlier in the morning to fool me kid. I wasn’t born yesterday. If all your friends were jumping off a bridge would you too? I’m not going to be around forever. Close the door…what am I, heating Lincoln Park? If brains were made of dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose. Just wait until you have kids! Because I said so, that’s why. Don’t take any wooden nickels. Come hell or high water. Up a creek without a paddle. Close the door, do you live in a barn? Children should be seen and not heard. I’ll give you something to cry about. Shut off these lights, we don’t own a share in Edison! I brought you into this world and I can take you out. Money doesn’t grow on trees you know! Someday that mouth of yours is going to get you in big trouble. Try using your head for something else other than a hat rack. I hope you have ten kids just like you someday. Go to college so you have something to fall back on. I hope your face doesn’t freeze like that. I’ll turn this car around! Don’t come crying to me. When I was your age we could go to the movies, get snacks and candy all for 5 cents. Always keep a dime in your shoe for a phone call. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. If you don’t like it there’s the door. Build a bridge and get over it. I already have four dishwashers, why by a new one? Tell them your daddy said so. As long as you live under my roof you’ll follow my rules. You better sleep with one eye open tonight, mister. If I said it once I’ve said it a hundred times. Get your elbows off the table. Someday the roof is going to fall in on you. There’s nothing but trouble if you’re out past 10 o’clock. I’ll knock you into next week. Mind your P’s and Q’s. Mind your beeswax. You kids will be the death of me. Go ask your mother. You’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached. Don’t go out looking like a ragamuffin.

Maybe my sons will use some of my words of wisdom and disciplinary terms with their kids. I must admit they are a bit different than what I heard as a kid. Here’s one: “I’m not buying you Playstation 3 so you will have to suffer with your old Playstations 1 and 2.” Boy, kids sure have it tough these days.

If you don’t stop that right now I’ll change the password to the Wi-Fi!