The same old story — or is it, really?

by James Norton

Drug and alcohol abuse is a tough subject to write about without either sounding like a “born again” know it all or a condescending, self serving “I told you so” type of jackass. Hopefully I can send a message and still make it enjoyable to read—here goes.

I have a good friend of mine who is a recovering drug addict. I have known him since he was born and have watched him and his siblings grow up. Being close to the family, I have seen the parents go through very trying times, to say the least. Today, he is clean, has no desire to use drugs, and is on the road to making a much better life for himself. Some people I know haven’t been so lucky. This friend of mine and I have this mutual friend who is known to both of our families. He is somewhere near my age from what I remember and he is a full blown crack fiend, quite literally. Nice guy, good job, good family, great friends— it doesn’t matter—when this guy hits the “pipe”, he makes Pookie from New Jack City look like an altar boy.

One of his friends recently took him to a detox center—when they got there he asked someone for a cigarette, went outside—and was gone like a flash. He hitched a ride in nothing flat and was on the run with 75 cents and a lighter in his pocket. When he emerged from this latest escapade to call his family, they took him in and did the drastic and smart thing—they had him “pink slipped”. They asked the court system to commit him for 30 days in MCI Bridgewater. Hopefully this will work this time—who knows.

I ran into a friend of mine from my younger years not too long ago. We were waxing poetic about crazy stuff we did in the late 70s and on into the mid 80s when he remarked about remembering me one summer (I must have been about 13 years old) always having a big plastic cup in my hand filled with vodka and fruit juice or lemonade—depending on my mood.

I had forgotten about that, to be honest, but it says a lot about my personality back then. Aside from drinking a drink or three in my basement and smoking cigars while playing pool or a video game when growing up, my public teen drinking memories were of going to parties or News is published the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of every month. political functions—sometimes with and sometimes without my parents— hanging out with friends (most older than me) in a close proximity to the bar and getting loaded. Times were different then, but that doesn’t make it right.

Today, I might go to dinner and have two drinks—once a month— and I’m all done. Long gone is the daily routine of getting loaded at lunch, slowly sobering out (or not) and then going out at night to do it all over again. Up until just before my 29th birthday, I was a heavy hitter every day. I didn’t realize until then (being treated by a psychiatrist) that I was subconsciously self-medicating myself. People who are bi-polar/ manic depressives do this to themselves over a period of years. Some studies suggest that being an alcoholic and being bi-polar are both hereditary—and that there is a direct link between the two. I believe they go hand-in-hand—they both certainly did in my case. Come to think of it, while neither of my parents were like that—I have had a relative or two that did the same stupid crap I did.

Before I sat down to write this, my father quipped “how can you write about that—you still drink”. That was the reactionary in him—I can’t fault him. Does he or my mother want to see me hurt or have my freedom snatched from me again, no. Do they both realize that today I’m a different person than I was a mere seven years ago, yes.

Listen—kids will experiment, they will try things, they will want to “escape” the insanity of their teen angst—you can’t stop that. But like I wrote about in a previous piece about violence and setting examples for our kids—it’s all about communication. My kids will be 10 and 11 this year—that’s frightening to me— but one of the things I am not afraid of is knowing that I need to sit them down and have a talk with them this summer when they’re here. I know that I need to explain to them about what it is to be curious, the pros and the cons of experimentation and what I personally went through over the years—and where it can lead them if they do something foolish. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—today’s kids are smarter than you or I ever were at their ages—as parents we need to break the age barrier we so conveniently put up all the time and be able to communicate with them on a human level— not always talking down to them or yelling at them. The only thing that would frighten me would be if I couldn’t talk to my kids—then I know I would have already lost.