I’ll empower you if you’ll empower me

When I heard an ad last week promising that a personal hygiene product would “empower” the user, I knew that another concept had reached the end of its life cycle.  The cycle begins when the experience of some group within society produces a genuine insight. 

The word summarizing the insight spreads to others who interact with that group.  It becomes a buzzword to justify policy proposals.  The mainstream media pick it up.  By the time that it’s used to market commodities, it has lost all power to convey a fresh idea. 

To eulogize “empowerment,” I want to tell you what it meant to me.  Each of us is a complex and powerful creation.  From time to time, we get hurt.  We each have some aspect of ourselves where we got hurt so much, where things got so hard, that we gave up.  We redirected our attention to those areas where we could make a difference and feel hopeful.

Some of these injuries are peculiar to our individual upbringings.  We received others because of our class, culture, gender, appearance, or sexual preference.  I can even think of areas in which people from Somerville have confidence, that people from Newton lack, and vice versa.

We don’t describe ourselves as hopeless because we don’t pay attention to the piece of ourselves that we abandoned, and we experience success in those areas in which we focus our attention.  When circumstances force us to focus on what we’ve lost, we do feel what might be called hopelessness.  Or the intolerable fear, or grief, or anger that caused us to abandon this piece of ourselves in the first place.

If we are fortunate, those areas that we have lost are minor.  A friend of mine can’t dance.  Another is convinced she can’t sing.  Another has math anxiety.

Some of us did not grow up so casually.  The parts of ourselves that our life’s experience obligated us to abandon are so extensive that we have difficulty making a living or sustaining relationships.  Nor can we successfully redirect our attention away from these injuries.  Because they are so central to human existence, it becomes difficult to get through a day without having experiences that evoke shame, hopelessness, or isolation. 

We may numb out shame with addictions; combat hopelessness with violence; and overcome isolation by forming gangs that contradict a culture which values success in areas where we feel incapacitated.  Yet beneath the geological layers of hurt and defenses, our talent, power, passion and intelligence remain intact.  Empowerment is the process of reclaiming them.  We empower each other when we create opportunities to heal from hurt, set aside defenses, and work productively, love effectively, sing, dance, solve equations.

A pervasive loss that effects all, whether we grew up casually or in the streets, is loss of faith in our ability to make a difference by working together.  It comes from so many past experiences in our lives that we don’t notice it anymore.  Though false, it forms a taken-for-granted reality in which we live.  And it becomes self-fulfilling.

As an individual, we cannot bring new jobs to Somerville, or create clean air and parks.  So, for both work and leisure, we must own a car.  In turn, this car contributes to the congestion and pollution that put off employers and create our need for escape.  As one family, we cannot reduce crime or transform our school system, so we move to a suburb, unraveling the fabric of relationships that create safety and nourish civic action.

One reason why this loss of faith in collective effort is so pervasive is that isolation is embedded in each experience that caused us to abandon ourselves.  If when we were hurt, others had been present who were effective and resolute in their commitment to us, the hurtful experiences would have simply become wisdom.  Instead, there was either no one there, or those present were so hurtful that withdrawal was our best option.

So, I don’t think that we get empowerment from buying a product.  I do think that at any time, we can give to others, or get from them, the attention and commitment that empowerment requires.  I will if you will.