Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink ;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

Coleridge wasn’t the only one who needed a drink when the city water bills came out.

From what we know now, we have no idea what we know or do not know.

The wrong bills went out to many, but no one knows to how many, so we are left with the answer: too many.

There were police detectives at the water department, but the city cannot confirm if there is an ongoing investigation. Why? Because the city cannot comment on ongoing investigations. Thus, the city can say only why the detectives were there, if they were not.

Let us stop here to say that we refuse to use the suffix “–gate” out of deference to propriety.

No one was fired, yet. We know that. Though, at least one someone has threatened to quit. But, that someone, of course, does not have anywhere close to the 10 years necessary to cash in on a city pension.

Someone may have been suspended. But, suspensions of city workers are highly guarded personnel manners, more secure than the president’s nuclear warfare codes.

We do know that Barbara Stevens, the city’s water chief, is no longer available for public comment.

First we were told questions to her had to be screened by the mayor’s personal staff. Then, we were told that her answers to us had to be re-routed through the mayor’s personal staff for clearance.

Then, finally, we were told that for the greater good of the city and herself, Stevens’ full attention must be focused on solving the water bill riddle before she would again entertain press queries.

By comparison, the high school prints its suspension list and leaves copies at the front desk every morning, but we digress.

Where were we? Oh yes, the water bills. We have no idea when the problem will be fixed, because as of this paper’s deadline, the city has not yet determined why the problem occurred.

Could it be that there was a saboteur? A rascal in the water department, seething with bitterness, who deliberately sent out 120-day water bills instead of 90-day water bills? Who then fanned the flames of controversy from their lair in the water bureaucracy?

Maybe not.

Could it be that the city needed a short-term shot of cash, so it innocently enough gave the water bills a tweak?
Maybe not.

But, that is not to say we know, because we do not.

One of the high ironies of journalism is that for many reasons, reporters keep more secrets than they tell. Often, it is the press that is the last bulwark holding back information from the unprepared public.

This, however, is not the case here.

So far, we have told you all we know, which is almost nothing.

This does not mean we will stop trying, hopefully by the June 27 holiday, we will have the answers, once and for all.