On The Silly Side by Jimmy Del Ponte

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Wednesday was George Washington’s official birthday. Mother Washington’s little bundle of cherry tree cutting, powdered wig wearing, coin tossing across The Potomac, joy arrived on this date back in 1732.  George is the father of our country. The nation’s first big cahoona. I’d like to thank George Washington for all he did for our beloved United States of America, but most of all for giving us a day off from work. I hope you also had a day off on Monday.

We have a lot of Somerville connections with George. It is said that General George Washington actually may have briefly lived in Somerville or at least slept here occasionally. He definitely spent time traveling through our city on his way back and forth from straightening out the British. We know for sure that he frequented some of the taverns and pubs that were in the city back in the day as he was planning retaliations and attacks against King George. When you take the city’s winter Illuminations Tour, you will learn more about specific “joints” George threw a few back in. If it had been today, George could have sung a little karaoke in one of our Somerville nightspots. Maybe the Beatles’ “Martha my dear,” or Warrant’s “Cherry Pie.” If it was modern times he could maybe have thrown a quarter (inflation) across Alewife Brook.

Thanks to George we have Washington Street near Union Square. We also have all those great wooden teeth jokes. But most of all that excellent day off. We also have tons of Washington’s Birthday sales.

George Washington has a lot of namesakes in the city. There’s George Landers, George Wood, and George Scarpelli. George Enos was the manager of the lip sync band The Fabulous Pharaohs who thrilled Somerville’s nightclubs in the 70’s and 80’s. George Washington lived at Mount Vernon in Virginia. We have The Mount Vernon Restaurant on lower Broadway.

George’s likeness is on the dollar bill and the quarter. I am a huge fan of quarters and dollar bills. Two George Washingtons (bills) pay for my coffee every day. Later today I am going to use 75 Washingtons to fill my gas tank.

My friend Marino, a fellow Italian American like me, tells a cute story. His grandmother who was a sweet, wonderful woman was taking her citizenship test many years ago and the question was who was the first president of the United States. She wrote “George Washing-machine!”

By the way, despite popular belief, George Washington’s teeth were not made of wood. The top dentists of the period made his dentures out of ivory, gold, lead, animal bone and human teeth. (E-U!) In my research I also read that the whole cherry tree thing was not true either. Ironically, someone told a lie about that. And the story about tossing a silver dollar across the Potomac River is slightly wrong. Silver Dollars weren’t invented back then so it was probably one of the Spanish pieces of eight that was lobbed across. If George’s coin made it all the way across the Potomac River, he must have had quite an arm. I am sure with that type of throwing strength he would have been scouted by football and baseball teams.

After George Washington’s presidency he retired to his home at Mount Vernon and became a farmer. He started distilling whisky and produced quite a bit during his final days. They sell replica bottles at Mount Vernon, which is a tourist attraction.

Happy 280th birthday. I cannot tell a lie, you don’t look a day older than 200! By George, you rock! Thanks again for the day off. And please excuse us if we still use the wooden teeth jokes!

Special thanks to “Thefreesource” for some facts used in this article.