On The Silly Side by Jimmy Del Ponte

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Another birthday – yippee! – I guess. Birthdays used to mean presents, a cake and a party. Today a birthday is mostly just another year that I survived. I turned the speed limit this year – 55 – and I can’t believe I’m this old, but I am glad to be still here.

I actually have an AARP card – and if I retired today, I would get a whopping $1,100 a month (or something like that‚Ķnot even half my mortgage payment). Hey, my youngest kids are 10 and 12, so I have a long way to go. My nerves are what I am most concerned about, because they are shot – I pray for patience. I have all the other stuff down pretty well, like the picking up and dropping off and all that junk and because I married at a later age, I am an ‚Äúolder‚Äù dad (I’m grandpa material) – that just means that I get cranky easily and require more naps. I sometimes go to bed before my kids do.

When I was in my ‚Äúyute‚Äù, my mother would throw the annual birthday party at the kitchen table with my cousins and a friend or two, and a cake she made. Today’s kids have their parties at Roller World, Kids Playground and the recently defunct Good Times.

We always had Cotts soda (we called it tonic) because my Uncle Chick worked for Cotts – we were loyal to the ‚Äúfamily‚Äù brand! We also had clear plastic tablecloths from WR Grace because my father worked there (we were loyal to what he could pilfer). He brought it home in 50lb, 6-foot rolls – so what if it had an iridescent glow to it? We sat around the kitchen table and ate cake, ice cream and drank tonic. I remember orangeade coming out of my cousin Butch’s nose. I still have black and white photos from a few of those parties – they look like stills from Leave it to Beaver.

When the camera would click, a finger or two would be up a nose and the faces we made were priceless. My parents would sometimes give me clothes that stunk – one year I got a pair of black orthopedic shoes with a ‚ÄúThomas Heel‚Äù (I have the flattest feet you have ever seen) – these hideous shoes should have come with a sign that that said, ‚Äúplease make fun of my goofy shoes.‚Äù It’s hard to be cool when you are wearing ugly shoes – but the memories of those cousin-and-friend filled parties are still special.

My 30th birthday was a riot РI had a 1973 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham that was so long and huge it had footrests in the back seats. My pal David Stefanelli was the designated driver that day and I loaded the best of the best of my pals Рthe craziest of the crazies Рin for a rolling party. Among the guests were Jay Wilcox, Dave Emery, my departed friend John Glynn and “Archie.” We were all decked out in silly hats and helmets, bandannas, sunglasses and other various obnoxious attire. We looked like a bunch of nuts (and we were). Dave chauffeured us from bar to bar as we piled out and acted ridiculous all over Somerville Рwhat a day!

My 40th was celebrated at RedBones; my 50th was a gala at a huge hall with a DJ and tons of friends and family.

So here I am turning 55 – yikes! I have a grown daughter, two young kids and no sign of ever retiring or being out of debt. As a matter of fact, I spent the last six months on un-employment; so you can see that my career is also right on track. In my ‚Äúold age‚Äù I did however discover a few things about myself. I have gotten to the point that when a ‚Äúboss‚Äù (the worst four letter word of them all) gives me a load of crap, I no longer can pretend it doesn’t bother me. I actually got thrown under the bus by a former boss for rolling my eyes at a dumb statement he made. And speaking of eyes, I guess these circles are here to stay. People have suggested remedies, but that will be the day when I smear Preparation H on my eyes. I can hear them calling me butt-face now. Anyway, I earned my wrinkles and dark circles.

So my 55th birthday party was great – I got gym shorts and a new gym bag (I have to work out six days a week just to stay fat, and not morph to the next level of pork-icity). I got a $50.00 American Express gift card from my ex-wife – I will use it to buy my boys some jeans they need for when they perform in West Side Story at the Regent Theatre this weekend and next – how’s that for a free plug!

 
Some of my most memorable birthdays were celebrated at Barnaby’s, Johnny D’s, Teddy Bates’s living room, up the park (Powder House) and down the tracks. So this year when I blew out my candle on the Italian Pastry at Bertucci’s, I made a few wishes – health for my family, more patience in my life and many, many more birthdays.

Please e-mail your comments to Jimmy at: jimmydel@rcn..com