So, Howie Carr, when was the last time you came to Somerville? We know you lived here for a couple months many years ago. That was before you left town after getting mugged by a gang of junior high kids one night. But have you been here recently?

Probably not, since judging by your columns, you seem stuck in the Slumerville of yesteryear. Today, Somerville is a dynamic city with one of the brightest futures around. Assembly Square is one of the biggest developments on the east coast and the Kraft family is looking at developing the Inner Belt. We have fun and innovative festivals that draw thousands to our city. Ever been to ‚ÄúWhat the Fluff‚Äù Howie? You’d love it. So even though one Somerville guy got caught stealing last week, we are still a city on the upswing.

And we’re not all mad at you Howie. At least we can provide some fodder for your tired column. We couldn’t bear to read another recycled ‚ÄúRhymes with Jacques‚Äù column.

So you’re Howie Carr. You make your living feeding off the sides of the hacks and pod people of Massachusetts. The few sources you have left often get their facts wrong and you get your attention by throwing cheap shots at the hacks and flacks of the world. You lived in Somerville for a bit but hightailed it out of town after a run-in with some 12-year-olds from Winter Hill. Guess you had to scoop up a rent control apartment wherever you could find one.