On The Silly Side by Jimmy Del Ponte 

(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.)

If I could have anything at all for Christmas I would ask Santa to cure all the sick people in the world. Then I would have to ask for enough money to pay all my debts off. I would also ask for a few hundred thousand more for the kid’s college, a new truck, a new RV and a few vacations. Sorry to be so superficial, but that’s what I’d ask for. I always pray for everyone to enjoy good health and happiness and all that stuff, but I have to be honest. If Santa Clause could bring me what I ask for, it would be money. I was that little kid who opened the birthday card and shook it hoping folding money would pop out before even reading it.

Some of my Somerville friends sent me some things that they would like for Christmas if they could have anything they asked for. So, if Santa is reading – like he usually does – here’s the list:

– A Lyndells Bavarian Creme cake.

– A new car. More time with a loved one.

– I would enjoy being paid out the highest jackpot for the lottery so I can quit my job and travel.

– Enough money to donate to all the local children charities and organizations.

– Tall, dark, rich, and handsome ha-ha-ha!

– Mr. Machine (toy).

– Less abuse and cruelty towards children.

– A long healthy life, and a million dollar winner.

– I would ask that people continue to call it “CHRISTMAS!”

– Tomorrow’s newspaper today.

– Right, with tomorrow’s lottery numbers! That, or peace on earth…

– A Cure for Alzheimer’s.

– Cure cancer.

– My debts paid off.

– End animal cruelty.

– My parents back.

– Stop bullying in our schools and make parents more responsible for their kids.

– People who run stop signs and speed through the ‘Ville to get busted.

– To be 15 year old Somerville kid again for just one day. Those were the days, my friends.

– My family members that have passed, to have one more hour with them…

– Family reconciliation! Bury the hatchet before it’s too late!

– A crystal ball so I can look into the future and not make anymore dumb mistakes.

– For my parents, brother and sister to meet their grandsons and nephews.

– Vac-U-form (toy).

– I wish my sister was here to see her daughter get married.

– A “liberated” progressive woman Chia pet that grows hair in the armpits.

– To have my 1965 Impala convertible back.

– Jimmy and Uncle Dale during the Christmas season… listening to the Village People’s N-O-E-L to start off each morning.

– A meatball sub from Todis in Ball Square.

– Red Ryder BB gun.

– My Dad back, R.I.P.

– Mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money.

– My brother Bobby back! Me and mom miss him more than anything! RIP Bobby.

– For my Mom to come home from the hospital just in time to hang the star at the top of our tree…I started, she can finish.

– A change of the Massachusetts divorce, custody and child support laws so that they are fair to the Dads.

– I would ask for my dad to be here with me.

– The return of The Blarney Stone Pub.

– The return of the original Embassy Lounge on Somerville Ave.

– Camping season to hurry up!

– A reopening of Dapper Dan’s Restaurant in Assembly Square.

– To meet face to face the slug who stole my bike out of my yard.

I would like to wish all my friends who read this column a very happy and healthy Christmas. I enjoy meeting you on the streets of Somerville. We all have that “‘Ville” connection in some way, shape, or form. Somerville really does lead the way! Let’s all say it together…Merry Christmas!