I
opened The Somerville News last week and almost fell off the chair.
There, on page 12 to be precise, the page of superlatives dazzled me
for a few seconds: I had been anointed Best Teacher of 2008! "What are
these people smoking?" was my first reaction. I immediately made a
mental survey of my accomplishments in the past year, trying to find at
least one reason that justified the choice… but couldn't. I'm a
conscientious teacher, a good one as a matter of fact, but the best?
Get out! There are hundreds of educators in the city that could have
been named to that honorary position instead of me. I could be… the
best immigrant teacher…? No. The best male immigrant teacher…?
Definitely not. The best Cuban male immigrant teacher…? Well, there
isn't another one in the city, so…

After the initial shock I
slowly began to come to terms with my celebrity status, especially when
Sully the custodian congratulated me with an incredulous face. It felt
good to be recognized, so I started to convince myself that maybe there
was something about me, some hidden talent, that I hadn't noticed
before. Perhaps it was my charming accent. Or the reverse Mohawk on my
head. Or this unique sense of humor that only I can fully understand,
let alone appreciate. Or…

As I tried to find an answer to my
quandary, other troubling thoughts started to creep into my mind. How
would I convince my students that I deserved the honor? Even worse, how
would I convince my colleagues…? Judging by the dirty looks, the
coffee "accidentally" spilled on my grade book, and the slashed tires
on my car, I could deduct that my fellow teachers were not too happy
with my nomination. tried to make them see that I was as surprised as
they were, but no one took me seriously.

So now that I am Best
Teacher, I wonder what benefits the nomination will bring me. Will it
ease my way to an early retirement with full salary and benefits? Will
I get Red Sox season tickets? Maybe an exclusive space in Market
Basket's parking lot? Or perhaps the much-coveted Key to the City,
awarded by Mayor Joe himself?

Everything looked very promising
until I took a second look at page 12. Then my enthusiasm began to
fizzle. I noticed that the Best Teacher was someone named Barrios, not
me. What a disappointment! "It was too good to be true after all," I
sighed. And ever since then I've been trying to find the lucky
colleague to congratulate him, but haven't been successful. He's
obviously keeping a low profile. Does anybody know who he is?