My kids don't wear
"dress" pants, so on Easter Sunday they will probably just wear the new
black jeans I bought them, with a decent shirt and their new jackets.
One kid could use some new sneakers. However, if he gives me any crap
about going to the store to try them one, no sneakers. He couldn't care
less if he wears new ones or old ones. Getting them to try on clothes
is a horror show. It's very stressful for me. My boys have only had a
few pair of dress shoes. The amount of times they wore them made it a
poor investment. They mainly wear hooded sweatshirts with zippers.
Times have changed.

When I was a kid, my mother dictated what I
wore, where I wore it and when I wore it – but that was okay. We made
the annual Easter trip to Anderson Little. My mom had an built-in
homing device that led her directly to the pants that would be the most
uncomfortable for me. Mom picked the trousers, I put them on and stood
on some stool. A guy with a tape measure came over and wrote down
numbers after making me feel very embarrassed. I stood in a pew at St.
Clements church and felt like my legs had bugs crawling on them. Never
again would I ever wear wool. When pants started being made with
polyester/Dacron and other acrylic blends, I thanked the Lord. Standing
up in front of the class getting berated by a nun is bad enough on it's
own, but when your legs are itching like crazy and you can't scratch
them, that's Hell. When I was very young, my brother and I had matching
wool hats to cap off our rash-inducing outfits. Oh what lovely
memories. Mom always made sure my brother and sister and I were always
dressed to the nines and she did a great job! Comfort was not factored
in.

Clip on ties were a great invention for kids and parents.
Not only was it a time saver, but it was fun for us. One of the most
popular gags was yanking another kid's tie off. The only bad part about
that was if the kid was wearing a real tie. Can you say pain in the
neck and detention?

And there is nothing cuter than a little
girl with her new dress, pretty bonnet and dainty Easter purse. It goes
perfectly with a brand new shiny pair of patent leather shoes.

I
loved to tell my friends that I had an Uncle Bunny and an Uncle Chick.
How cool was that around Easter time? Bunny was short for Bernardino
and Chick was a nickname for my uncle's last name.

For Easter
dinner this year, I am not doing the honey baked ham thing. Every year
I make that long drive up Route 1 and stand in that stupid line. To
tell you the truth I don't know what the big deal is. Last year's
wasn't that great. I think it will be a simple ham from Johnnies or
BJ's this time. I should have saved the aluminum Honey Baked wrapper
from last year so people would think it was an overpriced honey baked.
Ham, potatoes, corn and rolls that's it. And a great big apple pie from
BJ's. This year I really don't feel like standing in any long lines to
buy Easter fixings. I just get mad and it takes away from the pleasure
of the day. But that's just me .

Then it's the annual egg hunt
in my house. I fill plastic eggs with money and hide them around the
house. I vacuumed and swept on Saturday so I hope nobody finds any dust
bunnies.

And don't forget to buy some white eggs to color. Last
year I was up to my (rabbit) ears with hard boiled colorful eggs. I 'm
pretty sure I tossed a few out.

Palm Sunday just passed and the
church on the corner of Francesca Ave and College Ave had its annual
donkey parade down College Ave – I missed it this year. In the
meantime, there are enough jack-asses speeding down College Ave to tide
me over.

The stores have been jam-packed with everything Easter
since they took down the Valentine's Day stuff. This year's new
offerings are little plastic eggs shaped like ladybugs and edible fake
grass. Yes, that's right, edible fake Easter basket grass. Next year
they will have edible baskets and candy wrappers too I bet. Speaking of
candy, I am the only person I have ever heard of that does not like
marshmallow peeps. Give me a Cadbury or Resses egg any day!

In
the past Easter meant trips to Gilchrist's Basement, Thom McCann and
Gorins. A last minute drive to J.M. Fields, Zayres or Bradlees for the
right belt or accessory may have been needed also. We went to church
and fidgeted from the uncomfortable new clothes and brand new shoes
that were not broken in.