Rose Mary Gartland, several months before her passing, holding an animated sunflower which plays You are My Sunshine, a song of which she was fond of.

By Cathleen Twardzik

Somerville resident Chris Gartland is the devoted son of Rose Mary Gartland, as well as Shelter Coordinator of Maple Arms Shelter, Harbor Homes, Inc. in Nashua NH.  He has worked there for over 11 years – “throughout my mother’s illness.”

On May 7, 2011, Gartland’s mother passed away at home. “Around 9 a.m., my brother Joey had stopped by to visit my mom – not the usual day he would visit.  And I went over to kiss her good morning and tell her how much I loved her, as I would do every morning. I knew she was getting closer to death, but didn’t expect it would be right way,” said Gartland.

At first, caregiving for Ms. Gartland was provided at “my mom’s home in Cambridge, but for the last two years or so my uncle, my mom’s brother-in-law, Don Benton, lifelong resident of Somerville, opened his heart and home to my mom. I had lived in the apartment on the first floor, so I moved upstairs with my uncle and gave my apartment to my mom,” he said.

Ms. Gartland was completely dependant on Gartland, as well as (personal care attendants (PCA).  Insurance covered part of the cost.  However, the bulk was “from mortgages from our home in Cambridge, which had to be sold, and that is when she moved to what was my apartment in my uncle’s home in Somerville. Fundraisers each year helped with the cost, as well as using our own earnings.”

Advocating for his mother proved essential in the caregiving experience. Gartland received “the highest quality of care,” he said.

By providing caregiving to his mother, Gartland discovered that “It is so intimate, so tangible. It is love at its truest essence. My mom never complained, always expressed gratitude, strength, dignity, faith, and love.”

Her care involved: bathing, dressing, use of a feeding tube for nutrition, transfers from her bed to her wheelchair, and repositioning in bed for skin integrity.

On December 22, 1999, Gartland sustained brain aneurysms and a grade 4 brain hemorrhage.

Her life expectancy was estimated at no more than six months. However, she enjoyed over 11 years from that time.

Gartland served as his mother’s primary caregiver.  However, his brother Paul had the role of his mother’s power of attorney.

“It was so stressful, and in the end, [it] all worked out. I only wish I had faith enough to believe this, while Mom was still alive,” said Paul Gartland.

Surprisingly, in April, 2010, Ms. Gartland “suffered a serious aspiration pneumonia, and doctors told us she would probably die.”  However, after briefly remaining in the hospital “with hospice,” she returned home.  The reason for her stay there was because at first, it was believed that she potentially only had a few weeks or a month to live.

Later, in October 2010, “I made a dream come true for her. She wanted to go to the mall.  I will treasure that day forever.  Although she had weakened much, she was so full of life and smiled the whole time we were at the Meadow Glen Mall. All she was interested in was purchasing something for me.  That has always been my mom, always wanting to give, especially to her four sons,” said Gartland.

What happens when the one for whom you were caring dies?

“I found myself grieving months before she passed.  As she declined, the grieving began for me and my brothers,” he said.

“During the last few months of my mother’s life, her body began to fail.”  Additionally, “She had great weight loss, as well and couldn’t speak as clearly as before.”

However, Ms. Gartland was able to view “her Columbo and I love Lucy tapes, sometimes not able to stay awake for the whole of them, but still enjoying them,” said Gartland.

Gartland’s elder brother, Joey Gartland’s said “visits to my mom would put a smile on her face.  My mom was an avid sports fan and Joey and [she] would watch and cheer on the home team.”

“We all remember the lessons she taught us: to love unconditionally, to face life’s adversities with faith, and to always be close to each other. We remember the great times [at] Rockport we had with her, [and] after her illness, the great times in Provincetown, Hampton Beach and out to dinner, before the feeding tube was inserted.  She loved life and loved doing anything with her sons,” he said.

Further, “As a caregiver, so much of what you do is physically touch the one you are caring for, and that is what hurts so much, not to be able to touch her or hold her or kiss her,” said Gartland.

Donations in honor of Rose Gartland, may be sent to: Carol Mercauto and Chris Gartland, 6A Morrison Ave., Somerville, MA 02144. Those monies will be used to support the professional development of personal caregivers.