On The Silly Side by Jimmy Del Ponte

(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.)

It’s been quite a while since this article which is called “On the silly Side” was really, literally silly. Well, here goes.
Cambridge City Councillor Ken Reeves said recently that Cambridge is a more interesting city than Somerville. This is part of what he said, “Somerville has a very short list of not-that-interesting places. But they don’t have a lot of interesting places.” I have lived in Somerville for almost 58 years so who better to defend its gilded banners?The statement reminds me of two little kids that say, “My dad can beat up your dad!” The biggest thing that stands out about Cambridge to me is that it has Harvard University (that my brother, a Somerville resident, graduated from Magna Cum Laude), a few museums, a lot of people on bicycles, and street musicians banging on plastic buckets with sticks. And did we mention our own “Jumbo” university named Tufts that’s not too shabby? Some say that Cambridge is just a short cut to get to Somerville or Boston.
Once again I have gone to the streets to relay what Somerville people think of this dumb statement about which town is more interesting. Deep down it seems quite juvenile to even consider putting one city up against another. Just the mere fact that a citizen of Cambridge could make such a silly comment should settle the score. You said something real dumb, we win. But now we have to lower ourselves to your level, Cambridge.
“Somerville rules because it never gave a damn what people from Cambridge ever thought and it still shouldn’t.” This was said by a very prominent business owner from Davis Square! Here is a good one: How many people from Cambridge does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to call an electrician and one to stir the martinis” or pour the granola! (I only pass these on folks!”)
Cambridge still has buses with those electrical conductors on them running up and down Mass Avenue. After all these years can’t they figure out a way to stop them from falling off the conductor wires and clogging traffic? Somerville still has a Kentucky Fried Chicken!
If you haven’t noticed, Somerville people have a certain swagger that can only be acquired by coming up the old fashioned way. We hung on corners, developed lifelong friends and everlasting values. We watched our fathers and mothers hold down three jobs just to make ends meet. We weren’t snobs because snobs don’t know what it is like to go without and to squeak by with just the basics. Somerville people know that the family is the most important thing we have. We also have a sense of civic pride that can be downright nasty if you want to start putting us down. You live in Cambridge?? Well, la de dah!!
We have that cool slogan, “Somerville Rocks!” What can Cambridge say? “Cambridge people hire lawn care services,” or, “Cambridge grows their bodily hair.”
Cambridge, particularly Harvard Square, is still a place that people like to go to get a good lung full of patchouli. Patchouli should be the official smell of Cambridge. In the old days it was where we bought bell-bottom pants, platform shoes, and various other hippie paraphernalia. That was pretty interesting.
Another Somerville citizen adds: “I will bet any amount that 90% of the people in Somerville know their neighbors or are at least have a nodding acknowledgment of them. I don’t think many people in Cambridge will shovel an elderly neighbor’s sidewalk after a storm. Somerville cares!”
Let’s face it, the most interesting thing about Cambridge is that it is so close to Somerville. Let’s hope some Somerville class rubs off. What makes us more interesting than Cambridge is that we didn’t have to start a childish and unnecessary war of words. But what really distinguishes Somerville from Cambridge is that once you spit in our face, we will get in the last word – and the last laugh. So hear ye, Cambridge. While your noses are up in the air why not take in the interesting scents and aromas coming from Somerville. The smell of progress, growth, civic pride, and two All America City awards! And by the way, off the record, we have more guys named Butchie than Cambridge! Everyone I ever met from Somerville named Butchie has been very interesting indeed! Like I said, this was a very silly story. Somerville Rocks!