Life in the Ville by Jimmy Del Ponte

This article was first published in the July 21, 2010 edition

No one’s name was safe from the teasing kids unleashed on each other back in the day – everyone’s first or last name became a source of adolescent taunting.

They called me Jimmy the Pimmy. I still don’t know what a pimmy was but it sure used to tick me off. Then there was my family’s name. The teasing came pretty easily. It was “Del Monte Beans” or “Del Ponte Fruit.”

One of my particularly cruel nicknames was “Jimmy the mini- (insert rhyming derogatory slur for Italians).” With the last name of Wood, “woodpecker” seemed appropriate. My pal Scott Leake … well, need I say more? They also called him “sneaky Leaky.”

Some nicknames were okay. Knowlton Brown, who worked at the YMCA for years was known affectionately as “Brownie.” Jane was “Jungle Jane” and “Jane Jetson.” My dear friends, the Baldassaris, had their nickname built right into their name (you figure it out). Phyllis was “Philadelphia Cream Cheese” and “Phyllis Diller.” Chris, Michelle and Andrew heard … “Maoili ravioli!” Teddy Bates had a few good nicknames, as did Mike Bonanno.

Everyone named Sullivan, Fitzgerald and O’Brien became “Sully,” “Fitzie” and “O’B.” Those were automatic nicknames. Murphys were “Murph,” “Murph the Surf” and even, “Murph the Smurf.”

We sometimes assigned names for how we thought people looked also. I remember my dad went to school with a guy named “Stretch.” There was a very fair and decent police officer that we dubbed “Barney Fife.” Of course, no one ever said it to his face!

My friend Tony was known as “Ton.” And to this day, I don’t know why our friend Steve became known as “Harry.” I was talking to my friend Charlie, who we now call “Chucky,” and he never knew that Harry’s real name was Steve. I bet a lot of you Somerville readers know “Joe the Toe.” All I remember is that he lost a toe somehow, a long time ago, and thus, his nickname was created.

That reminds me of the mean names my brother and sister used to call me. Because one of my ears folds over on the top, they called me Dumbo. They got punished when they called me that. My aunt Marie was known as “Wee Wee” because someone somewhere couldn’t pronounce Marie.

I have a friend who we have been calling “Bones” for years and it’s not for the reason you think. When he was only four years old he got hit in the head five times in one hockey game playing goalie. His brother later noted that after a haircut his head looked like a bone.

A couple of our friends’ nicknames were “Bolo,” “Ment” and “Bone Rack.” Don’t forget Moose Mason.

Sister Margerlaine became Sister Margarine. Teachers had a lot of cruel nicknames. My friend Pat was Patrick Joseph, so he was known as PJ. He actually had a band called the PJ Five. There was DJ Sullivan too. I think everyone has a friend named DJ. I had two friends named Richy Collins. One became known as “The other Richy Collins.”

Nicknames could be cruel when we were kids, but today, we can laugh about them.

I have a friend, that to this day still calls me “Del Panty.”