On The Silly Side by Jimmy Del Ponte

(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.)

Okay Santa, here are the things that I would love to see under my tree if it were possible.

I would love to see that 1962 Gibson SG guitar that I sold for $150 30 years ago and is now worth around $20,000. I would also like to have my Farfisa Compact Combo organ back which is now worth around $3,000.

I would love to find the key to the family safe deposit box just to see if there is anything in there. I am pretty sure my brother emptied it, but still.

Here is a list of the cars I wish I still had. My 1965 Chevy Impala Convertible, my 1973 Cadillac Fleetwood, and my 1992 Chevy Camano  convertible 25th anniversary edition.

I ‘d like to see the fringe leather jacket I once had, and the dollar bill that Arlo Guthrie autographed for me. My sister’s friends swiped it right out of the frame I had it in.

Speaking of thieves, I wish I had the turquoise earring that my brother got me in Arizona. Funny thing is, I know who stole it. I know he is a weasel. He took it out of my medicine cabinet and then stupidly wore it in front of me. Nice guy! He gets coal in his stocking.

I wish I could find my original 1956 Elvis Presley fan club button. I wish I still had the Lionel Electric train set that my father gave away.

For Christmas, I would like to see a few popular Somerville landmarks return. I would love to see that mural that was painted on the wall of the former Osco’s in Davis Square return. (RIP Joanie). I would love to see Bradlees come back  near McGrath Highway. I would like Somerville Lumber to return also. Most of the appliances we bought there are still working.

I wish the Red Sox would do the right thing and  formally retire Johnny Pesky’s number with a huge ceremony before it’s too late. Come on Theo, make at least one smart move will ya?

During this season of giving, and asking, I would like to have an erase button on my big mouth. There were several, shall we call them, “incidents” in the past that I am pretty sure, hindered my chances of career advancement. Dad used to say, “Someday that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble!”  And it has, believe you me, time and again.

I would love to open up a great big package of patience. Counting to ten and taking deep breaths can’t always stop an embarrassing  verbal outburst. It is usually a profanity laced tirade aimed at someone or something that obviously rubbed me the wrong me. I would need the super duper, king size package of patience.

I wish I didn’t hate going to the gym. I love walking out of the gym after a workout, but I hate going there. It smells.

I would like to have a brown manila envelope crammed with bad decisions that I could retract, eradicate, and or, reverse.

In order to keep peace I can elaborate no further.

I would like to have a tenth of the money back, that I blew on scratch tickets, booze, cigarettes, and other vices.

I wish I could turn the clock back ten years so I could keep being needed by my kids. I feel lucky as hell that they still want to hang around with their old man. (Of course I do take them to some pretty cool places!)

Needless to say, what a great Christmas gift it would be to  have all my loved ones back.

Maybe Santa could also give me a special stocking stuffer. How cool would it be to have a stocking full of “second chances,” to use as I see fit. I would use a few to go back and help some friends that were in dire straits. I would also use a few for myself.

I would save the best present for last of course. The biggest and most festively wrapped box would contain the supreme gift of all. Wrapped up in plans that fell through, dreams that didn’t come true, and many stupid decisions would be…my youth!

The only real gift any of us can ask for is health and happiness for our friends and loved ones. Oh, and if anyone asks, I would really like the “Ov-Glove!”