by Robert J.L. Publicover Bluntly Speaking (The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.) Speaking of 'back', it's been six years since I sold the Somerville News and took a break from writing my column. I first wrote this column when I was nineteen years old with the original paper, never dreaming I would one day own it. I also never dreamed that one day I would have 'had enough' of it…but life changes. Now, I'm sixty, retired (got a job for me?), and looking where I would like my life to go since I plan to be around for many years to come.

I recently read a column by a cancer 'sufferer' noting that one couldn't really fight the disease…Mother Nature would take her course. I could never agree with that.

Most of my readers know that I have HIV/AIDS. I've had it for over 30 years. Waaaay back when the doctor told me I was HTLV positive; I asked how much time I might have. He told me that the average seemed to be 18 months (a legit diagnosis back then). I replied, "I wouldn't bet on that!" That was more than twenty-five years ago. I have done a lot of charity work and a lot of work to keep me going since then. Both are my way of 'Fighting Back'.

When four years ago I developed AIDS wasting, no one could figure out why. When I got down to 80 pounds and looked like I only had a few months left, they began feeding me intravenously because my body would no longer accept nourishment. Six months and 60 pounds later my doctor took a risk and stopped the feedings. I've been fine since. No one really knows why. Good luck?

Last July, I went to the doc to check out a sore that wouldn't heal. I ended up with two months of Chemo and radiation. It was not fun. The doctors didn't think that with my immune system, I would be able to get through the treatments. I thought I could. I'm a tough old bat. The treatments are over. I'm fine. I don't throw in the towel easily. Twelve years ago I had a hole in my colon. The surgery would be life threatening and that without it I could quickly plan my wake. The doctor told me I would be in the hospital for three to four weeks with what would be my immune system's slow healing time. I asked him how long a healthy person would be out in. "About a week.".

He came in a week later and said, "Healthy people go home in a week, how about you?" I got through the pain of it by regularly reminding myself that in a few months this would all be a distant memory. There was never any doubt in my mind that I would be okay.

I suffer from depression…it runs in my family. You just keep fighting, what else can you do? If I'm stuck with this for a long time (my Mother made it to eighty-six, my Grandfather to ninety-eight) I can complain or I can just keep fighting the best I can. I don't know any other way. Is that mindset learned or natural? Am I a strong person…or just very lucky/?. I haven't a clue.

Fighting back is a mindset. I'm glad it's mine. Don't ever give up.