Now Playing at the Somerville Theatre in Davis Square

Woody Allen’s latest opus “Melinda and Melinda” is about two women named Melinda who each show up unannounced at different dinner parties and spend the next few months trying to put their lives together. Supposedly, these two women are actually the same character played by Radha Mitchell.

The movie opens on four academics and writers who are eating in a crowded restaurant. Two of them debate about whether life is inherently comedic or tragic, and when they are unable to reach a solution, a third member of the party begins to tell a story.

Each of the two debaters takes the story and shapes it into the genre of his choice, a tragedy or a comedy. When their intolerably arrogant dialogue and condescension has finally left the screen, you will be ready to relax and enjoy the real show. But you shouldn’t. You’ll be disappointed.

The rest of the movie shows two different story lines, one comedic and one tragic. This makes it an interesting exercise in the mechanics of dramatic writing. Unfortunately, this exercise isn’t the kind you got as a kid at recess. It is far from fun.

The dramatic storyline is full of obvious dialogue, which is made even worse by the wooden acting from Chloë Sevigny and Brooke Smith.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the story is painful for the sake of pain. Melinda comes to stay with her friends after a criminal trial and an attempted suicide. So what’s the first thing her friends do to get her on her feet? Introduce her to a man, of course.

Every woman knows that there’s no feeling whole and worthy without a man to lean on. The perfect cure for self-loathing, chemical addiction, alcoholism, and general all-around emotional frailty is to take an emotional risk with another person. It’s hardly a shock that Melinda isn’t able to survive for very long.

The comedy fares slightly better. In this version of the story, Melinda is a fundamentally different person, lacking the self-detriment of the tragic Melinda. As Melinda’s love interest in the comedic version, Will Ferrell is a breath of fresh air. Alas, the comedic tale is lacking in one major area: laughs. Comedy is, what, funny? No!

All in all, don’t even bother. Completely ignore the fact that this movie was directed by Woody Allen. It’s clearly not up to snuff.

However, “Robots” is showing at the Somerville Theatre as well. It is a kids’ movie that adults enjoy seeing, but it isn’t framed by boring academics arguing about whether children are being denied their right to exclusively childish entertainment. Now that sounds like recess for everyone!

“Melinda and Melinda” is showing at 3:15, 5:15, 7:30, and 9:45 Wednesday and Thursday.

“Robots” is showing at 3:30 and 5:30.