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Reality Bites for the week of June 21
“Life is like a box of chocolates…” Give me a bloody break.
I was going to write some sullen, weepy retrospective of my life over the last ten years.
Yuck. Besides, every time I start talking about something personal, my family cringes.
I think I’ll make this another infamous manic rambling with multiple subjects (stop laughing at me). Have I mentioned that I’m bi-polar?
This week I’m going to take another trip down sarcasm lane. Not so far down that path that people will get pissy with me. Oh who the Hell am I kidding.
In between weeks where I write my column, I typically stay creatively loose by interacting with the crowd of intellectual miscreants who live in fantasy land on our weblog these days, but having recently taken on a more expanded role at the newspaper I have just not had the time. To my own credit, though, I do read the comments posted there and that is why this week’s Reality Bites is a “Tip of the hat” to the people who live and breath “The Cambriville News.” Here goes you freaks.
Over the years I have witnessed some very strange behavior when it comes to local politics, which rules and guides just about everything done within our city limits, whether you want to believe that or not won’t change it one bit. The first step is acceptance.
One of the weirdest things I have noticed over the 38 years I have been alive and kicking is that assumptions, impressions and misunderstandings last longer than most friendships. There are so many that make me laugh every day and I absolutely love the one that just won’t go away – that the anonymous comments on our weblog have all been done by me and my father. That’s right Р300,000 visits to the site, 800,000 page views and 10,000 comments in the past two years and two months. Get a grip.
You take the time to explain things to people, to help them out when they need a favor, to give money to their political campaigns or a (wink, wink) “friend of theirs” campaign Рand these knuckleheads forget you exist ten minutes after the polls close and they trash you all over town while giving business to people from another city. Wow, that’s smart.
In actuality, all they really do is solidify their positions as the stupidest asses in the barn and paint a nice big target on their backs.
It’s called the “Somerville Charm” – one part arrogance, one part indignation, one part entitlement and three parts stupid. Mmmmmmm tasty.
I mention these things, again, because I came up with a great idea of mixing the Somerville Charm with one of my other favorite topics – movies – so I came up with a few ideas for films that could be based in some part on things that have, are now, or will happen locally. Here’s a bunch with my personal commentary just for the hell of it:
“Groundhog Day” – Reminds me of the year of never-ending elections.
“Fight Club” – Wouldn’t you like to beat the crap out of a few people in this city too?
“The Color of Money” – Maybe it’s the color of a certain metal desk?
“Pride and Petulance” – A study in local language by your favorite stupid Alderman.
“Weekend at OD’s” – Could have been named Weekend at Herbie’s, but he sucks.
“The Ordinance” – The truth behind the Somerville Community Corporation.
“The Barracuda, The Hick and The Mouth” – I can think of three bitches for this one.
“Old Yeller” – Helen Corrigan’s reign on the SDCC.
“The Professor and The Naughty Girl” – Oh the possibilities.
“Watergate” – Come on, did you think I wouldn’t come up with this one?
“Band of Misfits” РTalk about the wrong stuff, Forrest.
“The Ten Hills Have Eyes (the true story of the MVTF)” РSelf-explanatory.
“93 Highland Avenue (The Curtatone years)” РDestined to return for another season.
“Fluff on/Fluff off” – Could be the next summer blockbuster staring Nicolas Cage.
“The Midget, The Mayor and The Missing Money” – I couldn’t resist.
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