By Mario Barros (Lenguaviva)

(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.)

In a recent, very sensible decision against firearms reduction in Washington D.C., the Supreme Court ratified the inviolability of the sacrosanct Second Amendment to the Constitution (A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed). As a result, my friend Ken and I have decided to form a Bostonian militia to defend our personal turf from the other three hundred-odd million people who share this country with us and who, by the way, also have access to firearms. We are only complying with the spirit of the amendment, right? With that goal in mind, we are thinking of purchasing the following weapons, with their corresponding ammunition: 

o    Two Smith & Wesson 910S 9mm handguns, to fiercely confront any aggressors that dare penetrate our territory.
o    A pair of Colt Python Elite revolvers, in case the aggressors become more daring and penetrate our territory, lustily.   
o    Two M16, 5.56 caliber rifles, to defend ourselves even more fiercely from the aggressors that‚Ķ well, you know. 
o    Several Russian AK-47, 7.62 caliber rifles, to elevate our defensive strategy to the level of artistic masterpiece.
o    Some Italian Beretta M12 S submachine guns, because (speaking of art) the Italians are artistic even in the production of firearms.
o    Four M240 machine guns, also 7.62 caliber, in case the Berettas end up being too artistic and fail. 
o    Two M2A1-7 flamethrowers, so that the attackers learn in the flesh how a good barbeque is made. 
o    Four RPG-7 rocket launchers, in case we are attacked with armored vehicles. 
o    Half a dozen M1 Abrams tanks that will squash the enemy, armored vehicles and all.   
o    A squadron of B-2 Spirit bombers, so that the spirits scare them away.   
o    A nuclear Nimitz-class aircraft carrier that will carry its dissuasive message to
the enemy.
o    A bunch of LFM-30 Minuteman III ICBM, whose nuclear warheads will make the enemy disappear in a minute, in case all else fails.

 
The only thing that concerns us is that the famous stimulus rebate check that we just received from the Department of the Treasury might not be enough for all the purchases we have to make.

 
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The author is a Cuban-American humorist in the Boston area. He can be reached at mario@lenguaviva.org