Many targets
of bullying once felt when they left school the bullying stopped, but
now with technology, the bullying continues even after they arrive home
via cell phone and popular social media, like Facebook and MySpace.
This type of bullying is more commonly referred to as "cyber-bullying"
which include threatening emails, anonymous messages, and posting
insults on websites.

Bulling is often glorified in the media
with shows like "Gossip Girl" and the popular movie "Mean Girls." What
is not depicted are the lifelong emotional and social scars that are
endured by the targets of bullies. The constant stress and fear can
even cause physical conditions and can impact schoolwork. More
frightening, the constant onslaught of verbal or physical attacks can
cause the target to consider suicide as an option to escape the pain
and one to many students have taken that course.

The state of
Massachusetts defines bullying as occurring when a student is exposed,
repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or
more students. The difference between teasing and bullying is that
bullying is relentless. Targets are bullied for various reasons
including sexual orientation, race, social status, or physical
appearance.

The Somerville Cares About Prevention, S.C.A.P.,
held a community conversation about bullying last Thursday. Filling the
room were teachers, parents, and students all looking for advice, help
and some comfort knowing they weren't alone.

"As a parent, its
frightening to think that my daughters face this every day and I feel
helpless. It kills me to see my child in pain," said one mother. "I
just try to tell them to ignore it. I just don't understand the need of
bullies to put others down or the need for violence."

The
eclectic group discussed the positive and negative impacts of turning
to adults for help. For example, if a student turns to teachers or a
principal for help, bullying may increase as a form of revenge if the
bully is reprimanded. The Somerville public schools have programs
available including peer mediators that are available for youth. One
student encouraged the program, "I like it because it's confidential. I
don't have to worry about everyone finding out about my problems."

A
popular question parents had for the students was what they do if a
friend is being bullied and if they try to stop it. The students all
voiced the same feedback in which they would not intervene because they
did not want the attention placed on them. They would however say
something if they were friends with the bully in a non-confrontational
way.

One student explained her fear further, "When someone is
being bullied, its not just the target and bully involved, it's the
whole community. It impacts other students because we're afraid that
they'll turn on us. Also, no one wants to listen to someone being
picked on, and it hurts you too, to be to afraid to do anything. Your
fear makes you helpless."

Advice for targets included
avoidance, counseling and help from school administration. Working with
the school you can switch classes and lunches so that there is minimal
opportunity for confrontation. Targets of bullies should always travel
in a group and try joining a club or sports team that interests them.
This can help to increase the positive influences in their life.

Bullies
also face a series of challenges as they are often suffering from
depression and low self esteem. Many bully to focus the attention off
of themselves and their weaknesses onto another person. If your child
is a bully it is important to have a conversation with them about the
reason they are intentionally hurting someone else and how they would
like the same treatment directed towards them. It is also suggested
that the conversation be geared toward identifying why they bully, and
how to get them help. This may include seeking the help of a
professional psychiatrist or psychologist.

With much to talk
about and not enough time the meeting ended with parents, students and
teachers wanting more information and advice. Additional discussions
are being planned for the upcoming weeks. To join a discussion or for
more information, contact Cory Mashburn, Acting Director of SCAP at
cmashburn@somervillema.gov