On The Silly Side by Jimmy Del Ponte

(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.)

What’s your favorite Holiday song? I still love hearing Mitch Miller, The Ray Conniff Singers and Gene Autry. That’s Christmas music to me.
Some people hate Dominick The Italian Donkey by Lou Monte and can’t stand The Chipmunks’ “Christmas Don’t Be Late.” I love them.
For years I have been writing Christmas parodies, along with my counterpart Tom Doyle from WROR.
Some of my past favorites have been, “We three Kids from Orient Heights,” “Waiting For a Win at Wonderland” , “Dorman the Morning DJ”, and “I’m Fleeing In A White Bronco” sung in my best  “OJ” voice back in 1995. Rick Dees actually used that one. A favorite from my Kiss days was sung to the tune of  “Jingle Bell Rock.” It went something like this. “Dingle-balls On My I-ROC, Dingle Balls shake whenever I stop.”
Here are a few excerpts of some that I came up with.
This one is sung to the tune of “God Rest Ye merry gentlemen.”
Go test ye Ball Square Restaurants in each the food is great !
Before you eat you’re on the street in line cuz there’s a wait!
They just can’t seem to get along so someday you may see
Breakfast battles with flying eggs and home  fries, Right in the eyes
Hope that I’m around  if they start throwing pies!
Here’s one to the tune of “Little town of Bethlehem.”
Oh little lounge in Somerville, you see a few here and there
In Teele ,Magoun, and Ball Square too, and many in Davis Square
Oh How we miss Pat Connelly’s, Frascatis and Pine Tree
Rail Side is gone but going strong is Rosebud and Johhny D’s!
This is to the tune of “Little Drummer Boy.”
The shopping will be fine when Ikea Comes
I’ll take the Orange Line  when Ikea comes
Down at Assembly Square when Ikea comes
Assemble stuff from there when Ikea comes, Ikea comes, Ikea comes.
I’ll go to Ikea and buy a book shelf, assemble it myself.
How about “The 12 days of Christmas  Past?” Here you go.
On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 12 coats from Cummings, 11 ties from Gorins, 10 belts from Kresge’s, 9 Mickey Finn Shirts, 8 gifts from Woolworths, 7 bras from Bradlees, 6 toys from Oscos, 5 toys from Grants!  4 shirts from Parke Snow, 3 hats from Sparks, 2 meals at Waldorf, and some smoky socks from Bargain Center too!
Here are some other possible Holiday favorites.
I’ll be at Home Depot  for Christmas.
Deck the Guy who blocked my driveway.
Frosty’s at Sligos.
Here Comes House Tax Time.
Redbones the Red Meat Restaurant.
Rocking Around the Rotary.
We Three Aldermen.
(Flashing) Blue Christmas.
Chickens Roasting at McKinnons Market.
I Saw A Parking Control Officer Ticketing Santa Clause.
It Came down Rt. 16 From Revere.
There is a cute gal singing “Up On A Rooftop” in a Hunyadi TV commercial that I like along with a snappy little “Honda Days” spot. Shaq recites a Christmas poem for Xfinity.
No matter what your favorite holiday song is, you can bet that you will hear it over and over again thanks to competing radio stations, TV commercials and in stores. Of course you can do what I do and play your own Holiday music. If you do download your own songs, don’t forget Elvis, and the best Christmas song of all time, The Singing Dogs barking their version of  Jingle Bells! And please don’t complain about too much Holiday music. All you have to do is switch the dial.
The DelPonte Family wishes all our friends the happiest and healthiest Holiday season of all!
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You can email Jimmy directly at jimmydel@rcn.com.