Enough of Winter

On February 20, 2010, in Latest News, by The News Staff

Jimmy Del Ponte
On The Silly Side

(The
opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News
belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect
the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.)

Even
though we dodged a bullet last week with that phantom storm that never
happened, I've had enough of winter. As far as snow is concerned, we
have been lucky (or unlucky if you ask my DPW and snow plowing
friends). I'm tired of the high heating bills and the fact that my feet
haven't been warm since September. I keep losing my stupid gloves. I'm
running out of snow melt and having to leave the warmth of my living
room to walk the dog pretty much makes me whimper. I have had it with
trying to do that little balancing act on the sheets of ice that cover
some peoples sidewalks – who didn't shovel off the snow when it was
shovel-able – it has now transformed into a treacherous walk from hell
(frozen over, of course).

Why watch the Winter Olympics? Just
take a walk down to Davis Square and you will see some true winter
sports. Here are some categories: The uphill parking meter climb
(putting quarters into meters surrounded with snow). The mad dash for
the closest parking space to the store entrance when the wind is
whipping you in the face. And then there's my personal favorite – the
arm flailing/butt plant. If I don't see a robin soon I am going to
start talking to myself (even more than I do already).

Warming
up the car has become a pain – I don't have an automatic car starter.
Every morning the kids compete to see who calls "shotgun" first,
because the front passenger side has a seat warmer. It is an every day,
annoying occurrence. Then I have to listen to "he had shotgun
yesterday…" The two brand new pairs of boots I bought for Sasquatch
and Bigfoot are at the top of the stairs acting as dangerous obstacles.
I think they wore them once.

I'm sick of saying to my kids,
"where's your hat?" and "zip up your coat." I'm sick of being cold.
Even as I am typing this column, there is a draft coming through the
improperly installed window. I need Spring to be here and thank God it
is on its way. The days are getting lighter earlier, and that's very
optimistic. I know I sound like a crybaby complaining about Winter. I
mean, Spring always comes sooner or later. I suppose the older I get,
the more I look forward to nicer weather. I would like to see pine
needles on the ground instead of rock salt. I would rather see a
mosquito than my own breath.

Warmer weather will mean camping,
barbecues, outdoor parties and trips to cottages. I hope I can get the
air conditioning in my truck finally fixed. The place I took it, in
their infinite automotive expertise, determined that the problem was
the condenser. I bought a condenser, and, you guessed it…not the
problem. So if they don't make it right (free of charge) I will kick it
up a notch, and you may read about it here.

So as you can see, I
am ready for Spring. I am tired of winter hats messing up my hair.
Let's face it, once you put that hat on your head, your "do" is done
(unless you have a wiffle, a crew cut, the "Larry Fine" or the
"Kojack").

The good news is that the Valentine's Day window
decorations are coming down, and the St. Patrick's Day stuff is going
up. As I am writing this, the meteorologists are talking snow, but I'll
believe it when I see it.
Join
me at Amelia's Kitchen in Teele Square every Thursday night from 7pm to
9pm as I play piano, sing songs and act silly. You never know who you
will meet at Amelia's! You can email Jimmy directly at jimmydel@rcn.com.